Expecting in 8 months!

[94ToyBear]

Found out Tuesday that my girl friend and I are now expecting a baby!! She is 4 weeks now!
This will be our first child!:eek:
Any advice ?
:confused::confused:

[Aaron]

Huge congrats!!! That baby will be the best thing that ever happens to you and the hardest job you'll ever have.

Advice: enjoy the next 8 months of your life and don't take too many parenting classes. Somehow, babies have been being born and raised long before you had to get a degree to have one.

[edog]

Congrats! We are expecting our fourth in early December, hit me up for any questions you might have. Like Aaron said, enjoy your time and enjoy the ride. Once you have it, you will probably forget a lot of what your life was like pre-child!

[Chris]

Congrstulations! My best advice is not to listen to everyone's advice!

[Heather]

Congrats!! x2 on what everyone says about enjoying pre-baby...and make sure you don't lose yourselves after! Make time for each other, to the extent that you can.

[4runner freak]

Congratulations, Adam
I'm jealous.
The only advise I can give, since I don't have any kids, is, they are way too hard to deal with...just give it to us and we will take care of it. :)

Well, that and no alcohol!

[Trailrat99XJ]

Congrats!

[Jackie]

Congrats! Your own instincts will tell you what to do most of the time. Get some sleep while you still can!:lmao:

[BlackRubi]

Congrats!

Depends on how she wants to deliver...
Birth classes focusing on managing discomfort/pain are helpful and tend to lead to an easier/less stressful birth for the mom. Of course, I'm a bit anti-hospital unless it is for injury or illness, which birth is not. But these types of classes are helpful even in a hospital setting.
My best advice is to do your own research. Keep an open mind about options, but research them thoroughly before making choices. Ultimately, the decision is all yours, so don't let others sway you in one direction or another. Check things out for yourself.

And babies know when they are ready to be born. If they are a bit early (like a week or two), it is OK. If they are a bit late, guess what...it's still OK. Don't let a doctor tell you exactly when the baby needs to be here. In 99% of cases, if a mom's body can grow it, a mom's body can deliver it.

And yes...sleep while you can!

[Mporter]

Congratulations....my only advice is to get him/her into wheeling as fast as possible :D

[Zukrider]

congrats. i have 3. best advice, have fun! and keep the GF happy during pregnancy and the 3 years post partom. anything you get in trouble for during this period will be a life sentence! trust me!

[Aaron]

Yeah, we had the Lamaze class but that was it. I heard a friend of mine telling me that he went to a "Happiest baby on the block" class, breast feeding class and three or four others...

[BlackRubi]

There is not really a need to go to a "Happiest baby on the block" class. The book and/or DVD is just as informative. Plus you can always go back and re-reference what you need. Happiest baby is a lifesaver. My wife calls me the "Baby Whisperer".

Bradley classes turned out well for us, but you have to find the right teacher with the right certifications. I can suggest a former Bradley teacher that has now started her own birth series.

Some birth "circles" are tending to move away from suggesting Lamaze. It has something to do with the rapid breathing that can apparently lead to temporary hypoxia for the mom. Not sure what the full story is there.

I'm fairly well read and informed on the birth subject. We have about 3 bookshelves full of birth/parenting books. I had to be with the way that the wife delivered Chandler. Any questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I don't know, I'm sure I can find it in the wife's library.

[Zukrider]

the WIC breast feeding class is very helpful, and free

[ColoRaider]

First of all congratulations
2nd
x2 on happiest baby, I too was "the baby whisperer" or should I say shushhhher...
My advice other than enjoy sleep and pre baby time now....
Start buying diapers, and onesies.... Im sure outfits are cute and all, but onesies are where it's at for the first few months.....

Be prepared to have your life changed. I couldn't imagine life without my daughter.
It didnt hit me that I was a "daddy" until I drove home with my daughter in the car for the first time.

[Stephen]

Congrats.


One of the best moments in my life was delivering my son... with my own two hands, been downhill ever since! :D

[Brody]

Congratulations! I have absolutely no advice about kids other than if you have any issues with functions of the human body, you had better start getting over them very fast,,,,

[Jackie]

It didnt hit me that I was a "daddy" until I drove home with my daughter in the car for the first time.
With our first girl, Britton confessed that it wasn't until about 6 mo. old that reality hit and he admitted that he would lay down on a railroad track for her. He knew he couldn't live without her. (I, on the other hand, felt the connection to her from conception). Kids do amazing things to your heart and soul. You will love being a dad. Kids really are great!

[Patrolman]

Huge congrats!!! That baby will be the best thing that ever happens to you and the hardest job you'll ever have.

Advice: enjoy the next 8 months of your life and don't take too many parenting classes. Somehow, babies have been being born and raised long before you had to get a degree to have one.

With our first right now, who is 7 months, I can say Aaron hit it on the nose. Get what sleep you can now, save what $ you can, and enjoy the time you have now, because it won't last long! Also, make as many of her appointments as you can. They are SUPER exciting when you get to hear the heartbeat and see the baby moving.

[cfr]

We've got two kids. Here's my advice and I'll try to keep it brief.

Find some parents you respect that have kids you like. Watch what they do. Ask them if you can call them a few times at 2AM when you don't know what to do.

[Popsgarage]

Have fun while their little, after that buy a bat or belt or something and beat them with it. Sometimes it the only thing they respond to. And try not to miss anything.

[Jackie]

This is the funniest and best unsolisiited advise I ever got from anyone that actually worked... (and don't feel the need to take my advise, but it did work)...

If the baby needs to sleep, or is cranky and crying, fasten him/her in the lift-out car-seat thingy and set it on top of the clothes dryer while you are doing laundry. The warmth and vibration will lull the baby to sleep and it really works.

Our washer and dryer are in a closet situation in our house. I remember many evenings when Britton would come home from work and ask "where is the baby"?. Me: She's in the laundry.:D

[Pathrat]

Congratulations! That is pretty exciting!

Of course I have advice: be good to your child, always. Everything else you can look up, ask about, learn along the way, etc.

Regarding the medical side? I hope your girlfriend gets a good OB she trusts and is comfortable with. There is a lot of debate on the manner and method of birthing and new "natural alternatives". New isn't always better. I would suggest to absolutely investigate what you are told if it doesn't set right.

[BlackRubi]

Stephen, that's awesome! I did the same thing with my son last summer! It was just me and the wife in our bedroom. The wife's mom was in the living room watching after our daughter. It was probably one of the most amazing moments in my life, tied with the birth of our first.

[BlackRubi]

I fail to see how ”natural alternatives” are new. Haven't the natural methods been around much longer than ” modern alternatives”? Docs are retained to find and treat pathology. A baby is not pathology.
If you do go with an OB, I suggest finding one that has been in the game for a while and is still open to ideas and birth plans

[Pathrat]

Not doing this with you again Black Rubi. Over and Out.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE EXPECTING COUPLE! :cheers:

[Wind Dancer]

Congratulations! :cheers:

I believe the only advise I can give you is treasure each moment with your child. Never getting to overloaded with life in general, taking time away from he/she, because before you know it, he/she will be grown up asking you for the car keys and/or creating their own journey within life. This is were I wish I could turn back the hands of time, giving both my daughters more of my quanity time, rather than the idea this and this and that have to be done, because truly what has to be done can wait, it will always be there, but the little one will not always be there-she/he will grow up within no time.

[glacierpaul]

Congrats Adam & G.F.! Make a list of things you need to get done, before baby, and get on it!!! Time seems to increasingly move faster once you start down the parenthood path!! Start setting your alarm to go off different times everynight, this may help offset any insomnia you will get. Another big item is start saving any and all "extra" money, trust me, you will need it! We used a mid-wife, and I delivered both our kids at the hospital, awesome experience to say the least!
On a side, when my Dad was delivering my second brother, he damn near passed out, it was a good thing I was standing next to him and caught his fall. The delivery was a C-section, and my Dad could not handle seeing the unfolding events, kind of funny if you knew my Dad. Just a heads up.
Life changing experience these kids are!!

[BlackRubi]

I was abour to say the same thing. Lol.
I really am curious, however, as to what natural alternatives are new. Seriously.

[Chris]

:horse:

Kyle, anyone interested in this debate can use search to find past discussions. No disrespect for your choices but as a father who had a baby born that had immediate advanced medical needs I'm glad we were in a well-staffed hospital when she was born.

Let's not tread on this celebratory thread by getting in to a debate on birthing methods available. :thumb:

[BlackRubi]

Sorry. Didn't mean to hijack.

[Aaron]

Oh... And unless there are overwhelming outside considerations... Never wake a sleeping baby! You have no idea how many times I've seen someone say, I need to go wake little bobby up to feed him... What? That baby has some natural stuff inside of it that will wake him up when he's hungry...

My 3rd cent :)

[BlackRubi]

^^^^ Ding ding ding^^^^
Aaron is right on this one.
Scheduling is great for older kids and babies (my daughter thrives on routine such as bedtime, getting ready for bed, eating, etc), but for the first few months, at minimum, they will and should have their own schedule that you have to adjust to.

[Jackie]

The baby is the boss. Just do what you're told and everything will be alright!

[Java]

Awesome!! Congratulations!!! :2thumbup:

[94ToyBear]

THANK YOU EVERYONE !!!!

[Clint Z]

Congrats! I have three and one on the way, Watch what you say around them, they always repeat the worst!!!!

You will have a blast and sleep whenever you can and the most memorable times are when they fall asleep on you chest and walk and .... you get the picture.

Clint

[Jackie]

...And when they ride their bike for the first time: http://s595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/jwarn111/Annika24-7/?action=view&current=Annika-bike-riding.mp4&newest=1

kids are great!!!

[94ToyBear]

HELP !! ok i dont know if this is thing allways happends or not but i need you help ! im going NUTS. we both have agreed to not speak to each other un till Nov 16th ( Dr. appt) its been a full week i have not seen or had any contact with her.
she said she dont miss me any more and need time to miss me. last i known girls are lucky to even have the guy stick around after gettin pergo ! But im being told go away !?? for allmost a month ! whats up with that ! im doing good not contacting her but its getting real hard not to see her or her growing belly. any advice

[Jackie]

Ouch - Adam, how far along is she now? Have you guys had any problems with the pregnancy? I think it's really important that you both stay focused on the baby, and put other issues aside for now if you can.

Not knowing what other issues you're dealing with, I can only advise that you try to be as supportive as you can right now to whatever your GF needs. Humor her if you have to. Her hormones are probably raging right now and I'm sure she is scared out of her mind (I know I was... - both times. And I was a Bit*h both times). I also understand that you might be afraid too. You guys are having the biggest life-changing experience of your life right now. BUT that's not a BAD thing. It's a GREAT thing.

Without further detail... I have nothing more to add except that I wish all 3 of you the best and hope it all works out.

[Chris]

As Jackie said with any luck she's hormonally whacked right now. On the legal end you have no rights to contact her or the baby until he/she is born. After birth you have to get your name on the birth certificate and then you have legal rights being involved in the kids life. Of course that also means child support for the next 18 years.

[Patrolman]

I think that Jackie gave good advice. This comes from having our first just 9 months ago. My wife was a total basket case for almost the entire 9 months. She did all sorts of irrational things and wouldn't listen to anything people told her, even female friends who already had kids. Not sure that I can give you any better advice. You are just going to have to ride it out the best you can. As others said, the experience, good or bad now, will be one of the best of your life when you look back on it. It is scary, but looking back, all worth while. It is SO much easier to have someone else there to go through it with.

[Heather]

x2 what's been said...and wishing you the best of luck.

[BlackRubi]

My wife is pregnant right now as well. Hormones are king in the house right now. Some days, she really wants to be close to me. Other days...she is VERY vocal about how she is feeling about me. Most likely, it is all hormonal and you shouldn't let it get to you. Just let it roll off of your back.

[mattzj98]

congrats! no advice though as I myself am a big baby.

[Cr33p3r]

Adam it seems as everyone else has already stated the one thing that stands out the most and that is her hormones doing bizarre things, looking back 22-25 yrs ago my then wife did the same thing w/ all 3 kids, one minute she wanted me around and then the next stay away. It is very confusing for a man to understand these changes especially if it is the first time or even the second time. Hang in there and just try to be reassuring of her and you guys can make thru this. Just remember she may some pretty nasty things but it is all part of this change going on with the baby growing every moment and taking all her valueable engery & nutrients. Wishing the best for all of you!

[glacierpaul]

"If momma aint happy, no one is happy." Simple quote to remember, even after baby is born:);) If you have not already, you will most likely start having some anxiety too, but hormones don't affect us men like a pregnant women. Try having a "date" night out, constantly tell her you are her partner and you are there for her and the baby, you guy's are a team, if you will. Good luck, just keep a cool head and remember the baby is going to be coming out of her, besides all of the things us guy's worry about with child birth, delivery and pain are the biggest worry for a women(IMO), something guy's absolutely do not understand(pain, sure/ delivery, NO). Be strong, she needs it!

[Brody]

Not being a dad, but having nursing training, including some OB/GYN stuff, what everyone has said about the hormones is good advice. Figure it is a basic love/hate relationship until the kid is born and don't take it the 'go away/I don't want to see you' as anything more than that(hormones). Always offer your support and let her know that you are going to be there for her.

Other than that, head the advice that people who have been through this have offered. It is probably the best advice out there.

[Wind Dancer]

When a woman is pregnant, she discovers many more knobs to turn and pull. :eek: Just say a bunch of 'yes dear' and let her have her space.

I wish you the best!

[Hypoid]

Good one Callie! :lmao:

The toughest lesson for me to learn, is that we guys don't have to solve every problem.

If you don't know the answer, say: "I don't know."

If she just wants to vent, say: "It will work out" or, "It will be OK."

Sometimes, you will feel like a toxic dumping ground. Realize that she feels like she can talk to you. If she can't talk to you, she'll be dumping on her girlfriends. If she is dumping on her girlfriends, guess who she is ranting about. :eek:

Good lu...it will work out. ;)

[Funrover]

Congrats man!

[94ToyBear]

Ouch - Adam, how far along is she now? Have you guys had any problems with the pregnancy? I think it's really important that you both stay focused on the baby, and put other issues aside for now if you can.

she is now 14 weeks, no problems other then her wanting to bite me all the time !! AND HARD BITES !!! I AGREE I'M TRY'N TO STAY FOCUSED! but she making impossible ! she hates my guts ! lol issues are all aside with me i just wish i can guide your that way too.

[94ToyBear]

My wife was a total basket case for almost the entire 9 months. She did all sorts of irrational things and wouldn't listen to anything people told her, even female friends who already had kids


im glad im not alone on this ! !! THANK YOU ! i really have no one to go to with this stuff other then you guys ! so thank you very much

[94ToyBear]

My wife is pregnant right now as well. Hormones are king in the house right now. Some days, she really wants to be close to me. Other days...she is VERY vocal about how she is feeling about me. Most likely, it is all hormonal and you shouldn't let it get to you. Just let it roll off of your back.

we dont live with each other YET, so i cant imagin whats going on in the house. i try n stay with her as much as can or in other word as much as she will let me................

[94ToyBear]

is very confusing for a man to understand these changes especially if it is the first time or even the second time. Hang in there and just try to be reassuring of her and you guys can make thru this. Just remember she may some pretty nasty things but it is all part of this change going on with the baby growing every moment and taking all her valueable engery & nutrients. Wishing the best for all of you!

VERY VERY confusing! i dont hold grudge her for saying things or even being mean, what dose bother me is she thinks i do. i really just wana be ther for her and that to much for her to handle i guess ! hahah
i will try to reassur her more, i think i maybe lacking on that a bit.

[94ToyBear]

Thnak you everyone for you word of wisdom ! its help out very much !

[4runner freak]

Adam,
Contact with her family could also be good for you as well.
I assume they are dealing with the changes going on with her as well, and it would be great to show how committed you are to her and baby to them.
They could be a great status updater for you without the direct contact.
Giving her the space is good when needed, but sometimes you do have to let her know that you aren't going anywhere.
Best of luck to you on this.

[94ToyBear]

Adam,
Contact with her family could also be good for you as well.
I assume they are dealing with the changes going on with her as well, and it would be great to show how committed you are to her and baby to them.
They could be a great status updater for you without the direct contact.
Giving her the space is good when needed, but sometimes you do have to let her know that you aren't going anywhere.
Best of luck to you on this.

well she only lives with her mom and she only only speaks spanish, and i only speak and understand very the min. I talk to her sister on the phone but shes in cali. no one else to talk to other then that. letting her know that i am not going anywhere is somthing i asummed her to know. i think i should remind her of that !! thanks

[Heather]

letting her know that i am not going anywhere is somthing i asummed her to know. i think i should remind her of that !!
Oh yes. That could very well be causing a "fight or flight" response in her (pushing you away by being really difficult, if she doubts your committment/sincerity) - definitely let her know! She's obviously very lucky to have you; you clearly care deeply and are trying your hardest.

[Patrolman]

Adam, I must say that with all your responses to the comments, it is easy to tell you want to be involved. I would tell her most of what you have said here. If you struggle with finding the right words, just think of what you would say to one of us about how you feel about her, and then tell her. Also, 90% of what we say isn't verbal. You can still assure the mom of your intentions. Simply being around, smiling, making it to her appointments, etc. Also, do some reading up (not too much) on what to expect. Maybe drop a "did you know this?" She will likely be impressed that you are being involved, even if indirectly. The little things leave big impressions.

[Brody]

well she only lives with her mom and she only speaks Spanish, and I only speak and understand very the min.

I would be doing a cram course in Spanish....One less hurdle to jump over.

[Jackie]

Maybe start buying a few things for the baby or the nursery. Ask her how she wants to decorate the baby's bedroom and start there. Buy some lullaby music that she can start playing to the baby right now (some say that the babies enjoy this even before birth).

If you don't have the money to start buying right now, maybe you could suggest that the two of you sit down and make a list of everything you will need to purchase before the birth. The planning can be fun and it can open doors to some meaningful conversations.

[Patrolman]

Jackie had some good ideas. Also, don't forget there is music on CD at the library. Burn it to an MP3 for her, or copy onto a CD for yourself if you don't have the cash. Just imagine being married and living with her. What would you be doing? You can do many of those things still, just not on a daily basis. The planning really is great and doesn't cost anything. Think about names, etc. We spent more time doing that than anything else!