WINKY
October 22nd, 2009, 06:16 AM
So my mother sent this to me, might be true story but a funny read.
************************************************** *******
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
looking
for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button
and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the
blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot
> is
> on the face of her microwave.
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
> it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There
> I
> sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
> soul)
> while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to
> try
> this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought
> about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of
> it.
> She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my
> wife
> to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
> would
> work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
> glasses perched delicately y on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
> hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
> would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
> supposed to
> cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
> burst
> would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out
> of
> water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
> batteries.
> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
> long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
> (loaded
> with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
> possible
> way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
> best..
> .?
>
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
> one
> side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one second burst
> from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided
> to
> give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs
> to
> my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. ..
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .
>
>
>
> WHAT in the world!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
> me
> up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
> over
> and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
> position,
> with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
> nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I
> had
> never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
> fireplace,
> obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
> over the living room.
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer,
> one
> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
> zap
> yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
> your
> hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst
> would
> be considered conservative?
>
>
> IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing
> at
> that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
> surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
> the
> fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
> where it
> originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
> twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
> bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.
>
>
> Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure
> and
> my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head
> which I
> believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
> offering a
> significant reward for their safe return!
>
> P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the
> gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
>
> If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
************************************************** *******
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
looking
for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button
and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the
blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot
> is
> on the face of her microwave.
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
> it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There
> I
> sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
> soul)
> while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to
> try
> this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought
> about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of
> it.
> She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my
> wife
> to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
> would
> work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
> glasses perched delicately y on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
> hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
> would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
> supposed to
> cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
> burst
> would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out
> of
> water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
> batteries.
> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
> long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
> (loaded
> with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
> possible
> way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
> best..
> .?
>
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
> one
> side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one second burst
> from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided
> to
> give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs
> to
> my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. ..
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .
>
>
>
> WHAT in the world!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
> me
> up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
> over
> and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
> position,
> with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
> nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I
> had
> never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
> fireplace,
> obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
> over the living room.
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer,
> one
> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
> zap
> yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
> your
> hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst
> would
> be considered conservative?
>
>
> IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing
> at
> that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
> surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
> the
> fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
> where it
> originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
> twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
> bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.
>
>
> Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure
> and
> my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head
> which I
> believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
> offering a
> significant reward for their safe return!
>
> P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the
> gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
>
> If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!